Monday, August 31, 2009

I'm Back...Fresh Out of Rehab

In the Last Psychiatrist's post about Michael Jackson's death (1), he reports the time-line of drugs that Michael Jackson received on the day he died:

1:30 am: 10 mg Valium.
2 am: 2mg IV Ativan.
3 am: 2mg IV Versed.
5 am: 2mg of IV Ativan.
7:30 am: 2 mg of Versed.
10:40 am: 25 mg of propofol.

Here's what happened to me:

6am: Double shot of Knob Creek Bourbon.
6:01am: 1 mg Xanax.
6:05am: Crush two 5mg tablets of dextroamphetamine and snort it.
8am: Drop the kids off at school.
8:30am: Inject one 500mg vial of amobartial into the deep dorsal vein of my penis.
9am: Go to work at the hospital, so I can help others.
9:05am: Security card doesn't work, realize that I don't have kids and that I was fired from the hospital two months ago.
9:15am: Driving home, paranoid that the car in front of me is following me the long way around...need to lose him....
4am: Drove down to LA and back; that will keep that fucker busy.
4:05am: Take one 30mg capsul of Restoril, two 12.5mg tablets of Ambien CR, 10 mg Valium, 2g of diphenhydramine.
5am: Develop anticholinergic syndrome.

8am three days later:
Wake up. Emptying my pockets. I come across a human finger, a wad of Turkish money, and a snapshot of a naked ex-convict named Dogmeat. The photo was inscribed, "To Dave, my new old lady."

1 comment:

dugg said...

frickin' brilliant!

i've also been enjoying a number of your other posts here- such a pleasure to read someone deconstructing some of the BS that surrounds pharmacology in language i can understand, and relate to...
rock on,